


A Day Ago

by Raynidreams



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynidreams/pseuds/Raynidreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara post New Caprica. K/L, K/S, K/LC</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Day Ago

She's taken from out of her arms before Kara can even truly register why she's gone. It's a loss that rips deep into her belly. Bereft of the girl's warmth, Kara wraps her arms around herself feeling frozen as she truly realises the level to which she's been manipulated. The depth to which that despite all her fight and her resistance, she'd finally let him get inside her head. It'd taken him four months. Four months of patience; watching and waiting, but in the end he'd found the brick in the wall. A small outside chink, but it was a weakness that opened up into the bigger cavern of her soul. It'd only taken one push to make her fall. One small hand to reach up and take hers.

Next to her Sam tries to call her to him, curling his fingers around her arm but she flinches away at the touch. He appears stunned and hurt at her response when only an hour ago she kissed him in hunger and relief. Kara remains as still as a statue for a moment, then angry at her reaction, she shoots him an unreadable look, then one at the Chief who's now got his baby son in his arms.

"Kara? You okay? Who was the kid?" Sam asks about the child. He must remember what she'd said,  _"My daughter."_

His bright eyes are so concerned and his face is so open. Just like the little girl who's just been stolen from her - who was stolen  _for_  her. Kara can't allow that kind of pain to hurt her again. Can't let his innocence undo her just as the child's had. She holds up a distancing palm to keep him back.

Sam tries to take her hand, pulling down the barrier, "Kara, please?"

"Let me go," she orders, almost violently.

Suddenly, she's jostled from the side, adding space between her and Sam. More people press in closer and someone grabs her arm, yelling a jubilant hello. She recoils, only to get stuck in the crowd lifting the Admiral up in the air.

 _"Adama… Adama… Adama…"_

Here she is, surrounded by those she cares about, those she's fought for and all she wants it to be away from it all.

Across the room and she sees the Colonel; notes his remaining eye and the bandage that weeps in place of the other. As he sees her, the two of them connect like they've never done before. He doesn't know what's happened to her or her to him and yet the mark of suffering is something that neither can hide. Kara lowers her gaze, unable to deal with another's torment when her own is threatening to swallow her whole.

Then she feels guilty. Feels guilty as her search widens and so many faces she expects to see are missing; sees so many that are marked with burns, bullet wounds and missing limbs. For four months she's been locked up and taken care of; with just a bruise to the jaw to physically show for that sentence. All her pain is inside. Others here have been beaten with in an inch of their lives, whereas she was given a home and a child and is now more screwed up than any of them. In looking at them, Kara wonders if she should feel bad for their treatment, then feels worse for wishing she could have traded places. She's had a lifetimes worth of being beaten and one thing she's learned by now is that bruises fade, but emotional torture, mental pain – it lasts forever.

She's left New Caprica with a meager bruise on show and yet hidden is a massive hole in her heart. She's left with what she thought she was, what she thought she wanted from life and all of her other hopes and dreams in tatters.

Sam's tries to get past those who are separating them, drawing her back to him. She understands that he'll keep trying because she knows he still loves her. It makes Kara pull back further, out of danger, gasping for freedom. She's not able to face the searching look of devotion in Sam's eyes. She can't deal with it. She needs to hurt something, or someone to plug the huge hole in the wall that Leoben and his gift of a daughter have created. If she stays near Sam, he'll be her first victim.

She turns and darts away before Sam can get free. The place is too loud and too busy compared with the quiet she's grown used to. People's voices are harsh and loud, not soft and whispered like his. For months he's been the only one she's talked to, the only one who's touched her - the only other person she's smelt or moved around. Here, everyone is yelling, they're all rubbing up against her body; hot and dirty… and there's just no air. She pushes against someone to get them out of the way and then twists to come face to face with Lee.

She's already on shaky ground and falling fast.

Lee… it's been longer than four months, more than a year since she's seen him. And unlike the others, Kara doesn't notice how he looks different because it's always been about what's inside between Lee and her.  Though he's not looking at her with any kind of feeling on display and she thinks that maybe she can cope with seeing him because maybe he doesn't expect anything from her. She holds out a hand to gain some purchase, to bridge the gap between them, but before she can, his eyes change and he scolds her with a look of loathing.

Kara's not to know that it's partly directed himself; she doesn't know about the choices he's had to make in the last few days. That he begged his father to leave and never come back. That if it'd been up to him, Kara would still be locked in that delicately furnished cell. All Kara sees is his unrelenting anger directed at her and so runs from it.

She can't cope with him or the chaos of humanity as it revolves around her. She needs space. She needs time. At every step she takes, she feels over sensitive and exposed. There's just too much confusion here.

Out in the corridor, she falls back against the wall and down it into a crouch. Her head drops onto her hands and for one second, one single breath, she wishes it was a day ago. Because a day ago, for the first time in a long time, she'd had a purpose.  She'd had something she really wanted to live for and protect with all her being. She'd been given something she never thought she'd wanted, never thought she'd have. With a child of her own to take care of, be better for and to not frak up, she'd had a future that didn't end in fiery death.

She claws her hands up into her hair.

And there was something else.  A day ago she'd been happy.


End file.
